To the Stars and Back
by x-LittleMissAlice-x
Summary: AU: Akise Aru had come every day to visit him, every day to see the one person he loved most... in an asylum. Yukise. Rating subject to rise.
1. A Thousand Years

**Summary:** AU: Akise Aru had come every day to visit him, every day to see the one person he loved most... in an asylum. Yukise. Based in a world where the events of Mirai Nikki and the future diaries only existed in Yukiteru's mind.

**Author's Note: **An idea that refused to stop jumping around in my head. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Mirai Nikki. The quote is from the game Bioshock Infinite.

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><p><em><strong>To the Stars and Back<strong>_

**Chapter 1 - A Thousand Years**

**Created By: x-LittleMissAlice-x**

**xXx**

_"The mind of the subject will desperately struggle to create memories where none exist..."_

_R. Lutece 1889_

**xXx**

A thousand years had passed.

A thousand years of regret. A thousand years of emptiness. A thousand years of _darkness._

The stars, once twinkling so brightly - so _hopefully_ - in the night sky were no longer there to comfort him; they had ceased to exist when the shadows of the world engulfed the Earth, a blanket of black snuffing out the light, leaving only emptiness in the abyss... New stars could always be created, just as _they _could be recreated, but the new world would never be the same. The stars would never shine as brilliantly as before, and _they _- his friends, his family - would only be cheap imitations compared to the real thing.

His parents were dead. His friends were dead. The entire world was dead, and the deceased could not be brought back to life. Even as a God he was unable to do that.

The passage of time was dully noted, but hours, days, months, years- none of it mattered to Yukiteru. As God he was untouched by time itself, or at least this was the case physically... Each moment he spent in the empty frigid darkness slowly devoured his ambition, his emotions and his psyche_..._

The only two things keeping him company (and relenting the ever-prominent feeling of insanity creeping on his old, broken mind) was the small girl lying in front of him, and the flickering memories of the past tormenting him, recalled as vividly as the day they occurred.

"I never wanted to become God, you know."

The rumble of his vocal cords sounded deeper. _Older._ Not aged with actual time, but the maturity only an eternity of sorrow could bring.

"I never wanted to kill them. I was... I was a coward. I was too afraid to die. It could have been anyone. I would have _used _anyone if it meant I could stay alive, even if I didn't deserve to live."

He chuckled solemnly. It sounded broken, even to his own ears. No matter how many times he said it, the words sounded like that: broken, dejected, _lost. _It was because he could not go back in time and change what had happened. He could not go back and _live._

"I had thought it was ok... I thought I could bring them back and give everyone a happy life. So why, Murmur? Why can't I bring them back?"

His companion did not answer. Her gazed continued to look downward, fixated on the small book in her lap, her lax fingers flipping through the pages idly. Yukiteru forced the corner of his lips into a painful smile.

"You have read that manga over a thousand times. You must be bored of me, since I haven't given you anything better to do."

The small girl's eyes lifted, meeting Yukiteru's dull blue ones. "Why don't you create something, Yukiteru-kun?"

He had answered this question as many times as Murmur had read her manga, and like everything else here, his response was always the same.

"There isn't a point," he monotoned, "Not when my parents are dead... Not when I know I can never truly bring them back."

He had tried, after all. Numerous times, and each attempt ended in failure. No matter how he wished and dreamed and imagined being with his friends and family again, it would never happen. It was impossible. A lost soul could never be brought back to the body. He may have been a God, but he did not have the power to fulfill the one thing he wanted most.

"...I no longer have a purpose, do I?" Yukiteru chuckled in defeat. He hadn't created anything. He was too much of a coward to end his own life (if there even was such a way). He had thought about jumping worlds, starting over, just as Yuno had done so long ago, but he couldn't even bring himself to do that. He was... pathetic. So very pathetic.

"Murmur... do you think-"

_Bang!_

The mellow, soft beating of his heart leaped in his chest at the sudden noise.

What _was _that? Where was it coming from?

_Bang bang bang!_

Louder this time, more insistent. His blue eyes widened, flickering over towards Murmur with confused, furrowed brows. She was gesturing something over - something that _was not him._

A part of the endless abyss shattered into an illuminated doorway of light. Yukiteru shielded his eyes as the sheer brightness of it, piercing his centuries of emptiness, of darkness. Through the gap between his fingers, a figure emerged.

_A girl._ Pink twin-tailed locks. Large, sparkling magenta eyes, and a sweet smile that could light up the world.

The light she brought (and more than anything else: her smile) did little to comfort him; it made the empty void seem all the more darker.

"Yuno...?"

Yes, it _was _Yuno. He could never forget that deceiving innocent face, those bewitching eyes... he could never forget her true nature.

Blood. Death. Betrayal. _Despair._

Her dainty hands were and always would be stained in blood. She had killed men, women, and even children with the same brilliant smile on her lips.

She was a murderer. A _monster._

He could never forget that.

His gaze lingered on her pretty face, then the dip of her shoulder, and down her slim arm until it reached the palm of her hand. And there, gripped firmly between her fingers was an object - a _weapon, _glinting silver:

A large kitchen knife.

Yukiteru froze. His hands quaked at his sides. The heart he was convinced had frozen over so long ago raced in his chest, a feeling he had not experienced for over a thousand years finally flooding through him-

_Fear._

Yes, he felt true, utter terror as he looked at this seemingly innocent girl.

He did not know exactly how or even why, but she was going to kill him.

Yukiteru's instincts screamed at him one, simple command:

_Run!_

But he couldn't move; his trembling feet were frozen in place.

"I-It's impossible," he choked, his throat unnaturally dry.

Was he dreaming? Was this some nightmare? This had to be a dream!

"Y-you're dead! I became God. I _watched _you die. How can you be here if you're dead!"

His raw vocal cords burned as he screamed that simple truth. It was the first time he had raised his voice in an eternity...

She shouldn't be here, could _never _be here. Yuno was dead. _His _Yuno was dead. This had to be a different Yuno, one from another world. But how did she get here? Did she become God? Or maybe...

His eyes widened in realization.

"Murmur!"

Yes, she had summoned Yuno somehow. She was finally tired of him. She wanted him dead!

Deaddeadead_dead!_

Yukiteru did not know why he was so afraid of death when he had nothing else to lose, but after fighting for his life in a battle royale he had had little chance of winning, he could not let his life be snatched away so easily.

'Yuno' took a small step forward; Yukiteru stumbled back.

"Put the knife down!" he demanded, although his voice shook with fear (so much fear... _so much_ _fear)._

"But _Yukki-"_

"Don't call me that. Don't call me 'Yukki' like you're the same Yuno! You're not... You're not her. You're not Yuno!"

"But-"

"Shut up! I told you to put the damn knife down_"_

Murmur moved to Yuno's side, eying him cautiously. Slowly, she lifted her hands in the air.

"Please, Yukiteru-kun. Just calm down."

"Calm down? _Calm down?!"_

He sounded hysterical now. How could he calm himself when his very life (however worthless or miserable it may be) was being threatened? Was Murmur _crazy?_

"You're in on this too, aren't you, Murmur?! That's why Yuno is here. You were _her_ Murmur all along, weren't you?"

"Yukiteru-kun, please-"

"What world is _she _from? A third? A fourth or maybe a millionth? Is she here because I won't create anything? Is that it?! I can't believe you..."

"No, it isn't-"

Murmur stopped as Yukiteru hung his head, laughing dejectedly.

"So just like everyone else you are going to betray me too. I thought I could trust you, Murmur..." he whispered, turning his head away.

"Yukiteru-kun, I-"

He did not want to hear the excuses. He did not want her to justify why she did it. He did not want to know when she had done it, how long she had planned this exact moment. All he wanted was to live!

"_Don't lie to me!"_

He was already moving to take a step back but froze mid-step.

Where would he go? There was no where to run, no where he could hide, and he was not going to jump worlds-

Wait... Was this Murmur's plan all along? Was she trying to pressure him into creating something?

That had to her plan. She wanted him to make an ocean for him to swim in, then islands and continents with forests to hide in, then animals and... _people._

He would never fall for her plans. He would never try to create human life again.

"No," he murmured, straightening his back, holding his ground. "I won't run."

His eyes shifted towards Yuno and the knife still gripped in her hands, aimed towards him. She could have what was left of this world if she wanted. It was hers now. He didn't need it anymore.

"If you want to be God of this realm so badly..." he sucked in a deep breath (perhaps one of his last), willing his racing heart to ease before he continued to speak, "...then go ahead. Do it, kill me! Put me out of my damn misery! I don't want to live in this empty world anymore!"

_"No!"_

Yukiteru jolted at the new voice. His eyes shot back towards the bright light, another figure appearing in the doorway. Through the blinding beams white locks and unnaturally pale skin came into focus. His breath caught in his throat when he met a pair of vermilion eyes.

It was impossible, but... could it be...?

"Are you... Akise-kun?"

It had to be Akise. No one else looked like that. No one else smiled at him with such warmth.

"Hello, Yukiteru-kun."

...No one else said his name in such a way that both calmed him and made his heart race.

This was Akise. This was Akise Aru.

In the corner of his eye he saw Yuno quickly turn towards the albino. Her eyes flashed in irritation. "Akise Aru, go back-"

Her threat was cut short by Yukiteru's rippling scream.

"No, Akise-kun!"

It was already too late.

Akise lunged fearless towards a startled Yuno, raising the palm of his hand towards the glinting knife held tightly in her hands. Pink pigtails bouncing, feet moving, Yuno tried to jump out of the way but Akise was too fast.

"Put it down!" Akise ordered and smacked the back of her hand. The weapon slipped from her fingers and clattered to the ground.

The tension in Yukiteru's neck and shoulders rushed out of his body at the sight of the fallen weapon, a sigh of relief escaping his lips. He was no longer in danger. Akise… Akise saved him.

Yes, this really was Akise... But what was he doing here? How did he get here? Why was his heart fluttering in his chest at just the sight of him?

How could Akise approach him like he had never left?

This had to be a dream. This couldn't be real because Akise was dead. Was Akise an angel sent from Heaven to help him? Was Yukiteru actually dying but hallucinating Akise in his final moments?

All these questions and more raced through Yukiteru's head the closer Akise came. There were so many unanswered questions flooding his mind he barely registered Yuno and Murmur muttering to each other.

"He recognizes Akise."

"He didn't have trouble recognizing him before. Perhaps it has something to do with his fantasies..."

What were they talking about? ..._Fantasies?_

Was this really just a dream then? Was he still God, drifting aimlessly through empty space?

Was Akise still dead?

Yukiteru's brain throbbed as he tried to make sense of it all, but there was one thing he noticed through his haze that was alarmingly odd:

Yuno wasn't trying to kill Akise.

Were they working together? They had both arrived through the same entrance...

No... No! Akise had protected him from Yuno. He was there to save him, wasn't he?

But what if... this Akise was a fake? What if Yuno was using this Akise so he would let his guard down?

He couldn't risk it.

"S-stay back! Don't c-come any closer."

Akise hesitated, faltering for a moment, but despite his desperate order he did not relent his approach; only continued to gaze at him, _burn _him with those intense irises of scarlet.

"P-please don't... _please_," he sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut.

There had to be something he could do to escape his fate, some way to fend him off or run away. Could he create some sort of weapon in his mind and make it part of reality? But then he would be acting like a God, and he had vowed never to create anything. But this was his _life, _he only had one (even Gods had only one life, didn't they?) but... could he even do it? Could he... kill Akise?

Could he watch Akise die again, knowing this time it was his fault?

The reason he had become God in the first place was because of his warning in his final moments. Akise had been his friend until the very end. But... if this was a different Akise, one that was sent here to take his life, did he even have a choice?

"D-don't make me choose... please don't m-make me. _Please_, I... I-"

His deep, shallow breathing hitched when two warm arms wrapped around his waist.

"Yukiteru-kun," Akise breathed, his hot exhale tickling the shell of his ear. Yukiteru's legs weakened as Akise's embrace tightened, pulling him closer - _desperately_ closer - to his chest so his head rested on his shoulder.

His touch was... gentle. _Comforting. _So... warm and _alive._

So much like... _Akise._

But this wasn't the Akise, he knew. Yuno was watching them - smiling! This was a trick. It had to be a trick.

"Let. Me. Go!"

It hurt. Screaming those words, squirming in his grasp, pressing the palms against Akise's chest - Akise's solid and warm and very much _alive _body - _hurt. _Seeing the flash of anguish in Akise's eyes as he shoved him away, as he rejected his comforting touch hurt even more.

...Why? Why was Yuno doing this to him? Why was Yuno using Akise to purposefully make his chest clench to the point he felt like he could barely breathe? Why was she _hurting _him?

Why did Akise insist on coming closer although he had told him not to?

"Get back... I said _get back!"_

As a God who would not create nor destroy, so Yukiteru used the best counter he could muster: his weak arms flew in a frenzy, fists pounding forcefully at anything within a three feet radius. He wailed on the albino when he moved too close, desperately trying to create a safe distance between them.

Yukiteru could not see what he was hitting, or where Akise was, or Akise's facial expression, or really anything around him clearly; his vision was blurred by his unshed tears.

"Yukiteru-kun!" His fists - his only defense - was easily stopped. Akise's hands grabbed his wrists, rendering him immobile. "Please, listen."

_"N-no!"_ he cried, tossing his head side-to-side, struggling against his fate. "_Please_, no! I can take Yuno killing me but not you, Akise. Anyone but you-"

"I'm not going to hurt you, Yukiteru! I _love _you!"

Yukiteru froze, stiffening in his hold. His gaze slowly rose, meeting the albino's, his own eyes widening in surprise.

Akise was... in love with him?

Something about the way he had said those words - the rawness of his voice, the softness of his eyes and the glimmer of pain that swirled beneath their surfaces; a pain that could only be made by the sincerity of such an emotion - made Yukiteru believe him. His heart still raced (in a way being around Akise always made it do) but the panic steadily calmed until they were just standing there, staring into the other's eyes.

"Please, listen," Akise repeated, softer this time. "Try to remember... You are in a hospital."

A... hospital?

Everything slowly came into focus. The darkness dissipated into white walls. The manga book Murmur often read morphed into a notepad. The knife Yuno had held was now nothing more than a pen lying idly on the floor. Yuno was no longer there; instead, an anxious looking nurse stood in her place, a smaller one that had been 'Murmur' standing beside her.

What was going on?

"I-impossible. Hospitals don't exist anymore. The world was destroyed. It has been destroyed for over a thousand years!"

He was dreaming, hallucinating, finally going insane... He had to be.

"Yukiteru-kun, it hasn't been a thousand years." Akise replied carefully, placing a comforting but firm hand on his shoulder. "You were institutionalized a little over three years ago. It has been a thousand days, not a thousand years."

"What... What are you saying?" Yukiteru asked, shaking his head in disbelief and fighting the urge to take a step back and run - run far, far away from all of this. "I haven't been here three entire years! I don't even remember coming here! Before I became God, I was in a battle royale between future diary holders. I saw you _die _Akise. This world isn't real!"

Yes, this world couldn't be real. This _Akise _couldn't be real. He had watched the life fade from his eyes. He had seen the blood pool around his lifeless body, had smelled the stench of death from his corpse. His body and head weren't even _attached _the last time he saw him_. _There was no way he could have survived that.

"Yukiteru-kun. I know this may seem... hard to believe, but 'future diaries' don't exist. They have never existed. It was all an illusion, a fantasy in your own mind."

"Why are you lying to me? You were there! Don't you remember your Detective's Diary?"

Akise shook his head, somewhat solemnly. "Yukiteru-kun, it never happened."

Yukiteru was frustrated now. "Stop lying! It did happen. I swear to the late _Dues ex Machina _it did!"

"Did he just say 'Dues ex Machina'?" one of the nurses - 'Yuno' - whispered.

"If I recall correctly, he is the God of Space and Time in his mind..." said the nurse who was 'Murmur'.

They were looking at him, watching him from the other side of the room. Like... like he was a _monster._

"S-stop it... _Stop!_ Stop looking at me like that!" he cried, "Stop looking at me like- like I'm crazy! I'm not crazy. I'm not..." he choked, his eyes stinging with hot, heavy tears.

Those warm arms pulled him into another comforting embrace and, this time, he did not fight against them.

"I know, Yukiteru-kun," Akise murmured in his ear. "I know."

**xXx**

A thousand years had passed.

A thousand years of regret. A thousand years of emptiness. A thousand years of _darkness._

But those thousand years had never happened at all...

It had only been a thousand days, and he had spent it in an asylum.

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><p><em>Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you would like to see where this is going, or you have anything to say about the first chapter of this tale, a brief review of your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.<em>

_That's all then. Have a lovely evening._

_xLMAx_


	2. A Thousand Days

**Author's Note: **Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews. As promised, here is your update.

Yukiteru's insanity affects many people in his life, namely Akise. Due to this fact, this chapter is in Akise's point of view and will show what _really _happened while Yukiteru was hallucinating. If you like this set-up (flip-flopping between Akise and Yukiteru's POV every other chapter) please let me know and I will continue doing so. If not, I suppose you can read this as a filler of sorts. Nevertheless, I sincerely hope you enjoy.

**Warning**: Angst ensues.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Mirai Nikki.

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><p><em><strong>To the Stars and Back<strong>_

**Chapter 2 – A Thousand Days**

**Created By: x-LittleMissAlice-x**

**xXx**

_"The burden of loving someone so unconditionally is a heavy one."_

_Unknown_

**xXx**

A thousand days had passed.

A thousand days of watching. A thousand days of longing. A thousand days of _hurting…_

And now finally, after all this time – after being forced apart for over three excruciatingly long years - Yukiteru (_his _Yukiteru) was in his arms again.

"I'm not crazy," the asylum patient insisted. "I'm not…"

"I know, Yukiteru-kun," Akise murmured in his love's ear soothingly. "I know."

Yukiteru felt so thin, so fragile as he rubbed the boy's back reassuringly until he gradually relaxed against him, but Yukiteru's body still trembled beneath his touch in gentle quakes. His love's shaky fingers curled, clasping onto Akise's white button up shirt as he desperately clung onto him – as he desperately clung onto _reality. _Akise held Yukiteru just as tightly, wishing, willing the boy's mind to stay.

_Finally,_ Yukiteru saw him again. For as long as he could remember he had wanted the boy's attention - to see him face to face, to hold him close as was now and for Yukiteru to _know _it was him. Akise had tried everything he knew from every psychology book he had ever read, had done everything in his power to bring out the old Yukiteru - to speak with him if only a moment while trapped in his fantasies; and now that he was back Akise never wanted to let him go.

"I'm scared, Akise-kun," Yukiteru whispered, his voice a soft and small muffle against his chest. He buried his head further, as if to hide away from the world… far, _far_ away from the world Yukiteru did not know; the world he could not remember… "I'm so scared."

"It's… it's alright," Akise murmured reassuringly, faltering a little.

He called his name. He knew it was him, but he… he didn't remember what had happened in this world. Yukiteru likely didn't remember anything (Why else would Yukiteru continue to use the honorific '-kun' when he spoke to him?).

This new information made Akise's heart ache, but despite hesitating he continued to gently stroke the boy's raven locks. His tangled hair was much longer now, all the way down to the boy's waist, and it looked wild and unruly (they hadn't cut Yukiteru's hair since his admission a little over three years ago. The doctors did not want to risk carrying scissors near a mentally ill patient, even if Yukiteru wasn't sick – because he _wasn't, _Akise tried to convince himself. Yukiteru wasn't crazy, just… confused). Even so, Akise stilled loved Yukiteru's hair. Akise still loved _him._

"You know I will never betray you, don't you? I will be here, even if you don't see me. I will always be by your side."

If Yukiteru left him again, he had to at least know that. No matter how much time passed, he would never abandon Yukiteru. Akise would never leave Yukiteru behind like _he _had...

"Akise-kun…?" Yukiteru asked quietly, shyly pulling away from his chest long enough for those big blue eyes to stare into his own. Relief flooded through Akise at the sight of them. They were no longer dull and broken. Finally, they had lightened, if only a little.

For the first time hope swelled inside Akise. There was a chance he could get Yukiteru back.

"Yes, Yukiteru-kun," Akise prompted, genuine happiness bubbling inside him, washing away the earlier pang in his chest. "Ask anything."

Akise would do anything to see Yukiteru smile again, just for Yukiteru to call his name, even if he did refer to him as an acquaintance or distant friend when they were so much more. He would do anything for Yukiteru. Anything at all.

"Why does it sound like… you are saying goodbye?"

Akise's stomach dropped at the sullen tone and continued to drop further when he glanced over Yukiteru's shoulder. The head doctor was watching him with her keen eyes, nodding towards him. He knew what that gesture meant and he knew what he had to do – it was what Akise had agreed to in return for seeing Yukiteru.

But how could Akise do it, especially right after he had promised never to betray him? What if Yukiteru never forgave him? What if Yukiteru forgot everything when he came back to him?

"Yukiteru-kun," Akise sighed, cradling his head to his shoulder. He brushed the boy's long hair from his neck, the guilt growing inside him as he whispered his next words:

"This isn't goodbye… only goodnight."

Yukiteru stiffened in his embrace. "Akise-kun, what do you-"

Yukiteru didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. Akise had pulled the syringe from his sleeve in a moments notice, injecting it skillfully into the boy's neck. Lightly pressing on the end of the instrument, the drug released into his blood stream. Seconds later Yukiteru began to sway, his eyes drooping closed before collapsing against him.

"Aki…se-" was the last thing he heard Yukiteru whisper before he stopped moving.

"Please..." Akise whispered to anyone who had the power to hear - to Yukiteru if he still had a string of consciousness, to God or even Dues ex Machina himself if he existed, or anyone who happened to be in the room. Akise did not care who listened, so long as they could fulfill his one wish:

"When you open your eyes again, please don't forget me."

**xXx**

"It has been two days, Dr. Nishijima. I need to talk to him."

"Aru, you can't talk to someone who isn't awake yet. Amano hasn't slept properly at this facility in weeks. He needs all the rest he can get if he has any hope of recovering."

"I know that, but…"

Akise's voice trailed, dread building inside him.

He needed to speak with Yukiteru if only a moment. He needed to know if Yukiteru recognized him again, if he remembered what he had done and forgave him. He needed to be near Yukiteru. Even if he wasn't awake he needed to be by his side, to be the first one he saw when he opened his eyes, because if he wasn't… he may never get him back.

"Aru, don't forget your rest too. When was the last time you slept?"

"How can I sleep when I know he's _here? _He doesn't deserve this. You saw him yesterday. Yukiteru is fine. He not only recognized me, but he could clearly see where he really was. He has his consciousness back. Now let him go before he really does go mad from being locked up in his place."

He wasn't being rational. Akise knew that, but he desperately wanted to take Yukiteru home. The boy thought he had spent over a thousand years in near complete isolation (which wasn't too far from the truth). That feeling in itself would cause anyone to have a psychotic break. Yukiteru needed comfort. He needed to see his family. He needed to go _home._

"What I saw yesterday…" Dr. Nishijima began, rearranging a stack of files on her office desk, "was a boy who could have been on the verge of killing you – on the verge of killing _all _of us."

"How can you say that?!" Akise exclaimed, slamming his fist down on her desk with a loud _smack! _Dr. Nishijima paused briefly and stared at him, startled by his outburst. Realizing what he had done Akise buried his rage and muttered a quick apology, uncurling his fingers.

"Yukiteru isn't a killer. He's… He's innocent," Akise whispered, tearing his gaze away.

He could feel Dr. Nishijima's eyes studying him, evaluating him, questioning whether he too had gone crazy (or at least, in _her _eyes) enough to be hospitalized too. Akise almost wished she would create a file for him. Maybe then he could always be by Yukiteru's side.

A heavy silence lingered between them before Dr. Nishijima resumed her paperwork once again.

"He may not be an actual killer, but Amano seems to think otherwise and that is all that matters. Thoughts are a powerful thing. With enough convincing they can become our new reality. You have heard him during our sessions. He truly believes he has killed people, and that others have died because of him."

"But now he knows he didn't kill anyone. He realizes he's in a hospital."

"Traumatizing memories can't just disappear, even if they never occurred. These thoughts of death have been vivid recurrences for three years now. He wont just forget about them in a day or even two."

"He will recover faster if I am by his side."

"Unless you want to be banned from ever visiting him again, you wont dare to test that theory without permission," she replied testily. "You know Descartes' philosophy, don't you? 'I think, therefore I am.' Yukiteru thinks he is a killer. Considering that, he will be treated as one by having a minimum number of visitors. You probably don't want to hear this, but you know he is capable of killing someone too. You have seen the signs before, and even experienced them firsthand. As I said: he isn't stable."

"You don't know that. As you said, he isn't awake yet. He could wake up feeling just fine, and even if he doesn't, he won't hurt me."

Dr. Nishijima sighed heavily.

"He has hurt you once before. I know you haven't forgotten already."

The Doctor's amethyst eye drifted toward the scarlet scarf wrapped securely around Akise's neck. Akise's pale fingers tugged at it self-consciously; a habit he had grown accustomed to when he was unsettled or lost in thought.

"That wasn't Yukiteru's fault. It was just a misunderstanding. An accident."

Dr. Nishijima arched a brow at that.

"Accident or not, had our staff not intervened you could have seriously died. I know you don't want to admit it but... You know he is capable of murder. Even today, I know you saw it too."

Even though he didn't want to admit it, Akise _did _see it. It had only been for a few moments, but that look… Every time he closed his eyes, it haunted him.

**oOoOo**

_The glass…_

_Like so many times before all Akise could do was watch him behind a glass; an invisible wall separating the two of them; a two-way mirror keeping Akise out of sight; a cell keeping Yukiteru in isolation, keeping Yukiteru away from _him.

"_I never wanted to become God, you know…"_

_He was a broken record. Over and over and over again he would mutter those same words, line by line as if memorizing a script. Each time he did the luster his gaze once held faded further._

_Those once beautiful, bright irises filled with so much warmth and promise were now dull. Dead. Hopeless._

_Each time he saw them from behind the glass, Akise's heart felt heavy. Smothered. Crushed.._

_Akise could not deny the fact any longer: Yukiteru was dying in this place. He had to be._

_It wasn't just his eyes that made him think this. The once healthy glow of Yukiteru's sun kissed skin looked pale under the bright lights of his hospital room, his limbs unhealthily thin as he sat on the white tile floor. He was always jumpy, unconsciously performing skittish gestures like scratching the back of his neck or darting his eyes nervously around a room. Just... so frightened, so miserable._

_When was the last time he had seen Yukiteru smile?_

_It had been so long..._ Too _long. Akise__ wished he could remember what it looked like._

"_I never wanted to kill them, but I had thought it was ok. I thought I could bring them back and give everyone a happy life…"_

'Yukiteru, you haven't killed anyone. Please come back to reality. I'm here. It's alright, I'm here for you. Just please come back to me.'

"_Murmur, you have read that manga over a thousand times…"_

'That isn't a manga Yukiteru. That is Dr. Nishijima writing down your psychosis. Why can't you see that? It's right in front of you. Please, just pretend you see it so you can leave this place. If you keep saying these things she will put you on stronger medication. Please, Yukiteru.'

"_I no longer have a purpose, do I?"_

'Don't say that. You have a life waiting for you; a life with your family, a life with me… We are all waiting for you to recover. I have waited for you for over three years. Don't give up now. Don't leave me behind.'

_Despite his silent pleading and despite his patient waiting, Yukiteru could never see the reality that was in front of him…_

_Until now._

Bang bang bang!

_No one had ever dared to knock on the door before, the one that separated him and Yukiteru. It was new. The nurse who stood by his side was new... She must not have known it was against the rules._

_Dr. Nishijima must have forgotten as well (she was not one to usually pay attention to rules anyway) because she motioned the girl towards her. There was a pen in the palm of the girl's hand. While writing Dr. Nishijima must have ran out of ink._

_If she had, Akise had not noticed. He was too busy watching Yukiteru. He was always watching Yukiteru, for any briefest sign he sensed at least a sliver of reality..._

_Upon her gesture, the nurse carefully walked in. Yukiteru's head perked up at her presence. Akise could not hear him, it was so quiet, but he could have sworn he whispered a name:_

_'Yuno'_

_His usual calm, dejected (but slightly skittish) demeanor shifted into wild panic as he jumped to his feet at the new intruder._

_Yukiteru's next words startled him._

_"Y-you're dead! I became God. I __watched __you die. How can you be here if you're dead!"_

_He sounded so… certain. How far gone was he?_

"_But Yuki-"_

_Just as the nurse started calling his name, perhaps in some attempt to bring him back to a calmer state, Yukiteru cut her off. He must have thought she was using a nickname instead._

"_Don't call me that. Don't call me 'Yukki' like you're the same Yuno! You're not... You're not her. You're not Yuno!"_

"_But-"_

_Any attempt to talk some sense into him was useless._

_"Shut up! I told you to put the damn knife down!__"_

'Did he say… Knife?'

_He must have been hallucinating. He thought the pen was a knife. That was why he was so distressed. If someone told Yukiteru the nurse was really carrying a pen, would he believe them?_

_Apparently not. He wouldn't even listen. Yukiteru only managed to spiral further into hysteria, no matter what Dr. Nishijima did to try to sooth him._

_"If you want to be God of this realm so badly then go ahead. Do it, kill me! Put me out of my damn misery! I don't want to live in this empty world anymore!"_

_In that moment true fear flooded through Akise's entire being. Fear of losing Yukiteru for good, fear of never being able to see him, fear of the one person he loved slipping through his fingers... _Again.

_Would he do something drastic? Would Yukiteru… kill himself? Could he?_

_Akise didn't want to think about the possibilities. Without a second thought, he finally opened the door that had kept their two worlds divided for so long._

"_No!"_

_He stumbled in the room, and then Yukiteru's eyes were focused on him._

_Akise didn't know what Yukiteru envisioned him as in his mind. Did he take on the appearance of an enemy? An ally? Did he see him at all?_

_For once Yukiteru's expression was completely unreadable. Dark but somehow blank. Passive. It was only for the briefest moment, but they looked like the eyes of a true merciless killer; cold, unpredictable, and… impossibly dead._

_Akise directed all the love and warmth he had ever felt for Yukiteru in his gaze, hoping to get through to him in some way, and his efforts were rewarded. As if snapping out of a trance Yukiteru blinked several times before widening his eyes in bewilderment, other emotions flitting across his face that Akise could easily decipher. There was confusion, panic, fear, but above all else: hesitation._

"_Akise Aru," he heard the younger nurse say sternly, a hint of warning in her tone. He was not supposed to be in this room; she knew at least that. But Akise was close… so, so close to Yukiteru._

_Akise knew then, even if he was breaking the rules he had to prove himself, and he would do just that by protecting Yukiteru from the very thing that currently threatened him most._

_Had it been a knife, an axe or anything more threatening than a mere pen, Akise would not have reacted any differently. He would have still thrown himself in harms way, without hesitating for even a moment, if it meant protecting Yukiteru._

_The nurse jumped and her dark pigtails bounced at his unexpected lunge, but he easily knocked the pen out of her hand. The nurse was so stunned she stood there, frozen for several moments after the pen clattered to the ground._

_When Akise looked towards Yukiteru once again, his expression became one of relief._

"_Akise-kun…?"_

_Akise's heart swelled with joy, Yukiteru's previous unnerving look briefly forgotten._

_Yukiteru was alright. Yukiteru was safe. Yukiteru knew who he was..._

_Nothing else mattered._

**oOoOo**

_Recognition._

That was all Akise needed to fuel his motivation after so long. He would see Yukiteru again, no matter what.

Dr. Nishijima was having second thoughts.

"He's unstable, Aru. We can't risk it."

She sounded exasperated, but Akise refused to back down.

"But he recognized me. There's still hope that he could…"

"Be normal again?" she asked doubtfully. "Aru… you know he's delusional. For three years now he has been trapped in a dream world. At this rate…"

She did not have to say her next words. Akise already knew. He had heard them several times before, and each reminder did not make the news any less painful.

"Aru, I know you care about him dearly but… how many more times can you take telling him you love him only for him to forget?"

"As many times as it takes," Akise replied, just as he had all the other times they had discussed this conversation, but his response wasn't as firm anymore. A piece of himself died each time Yukiteru slipped away from him. He didn't want to admit it but Akise knew it was true... He couldn't take much more of this.

But he would continue to push himself. For Yukiteru.

"Just a few minutes," Akise insisted. "Please. You may even supervise. I just need to be with him."

The doctor sighed heavily before she rummaged through a nearby drawer, handing him a newly filled syringe. Akise hesitated.

"You know this is protocol, Aru. If you want to be anywhere near him, you must to have this on you, and you must use it when I give you the signal, without question."

Akise stared at the instrument, unable to hide the guilt he felt smothering him inside.

"I know that, but... Do you think Yukiteru hates me for what I did to him?" Akise whispered, fear gripping his heart. "Yukiteru means everything to me."

"I know," the Doctor stated, placing the syringe gently in the palm in his hand. "So it's your duty to make sure he doesn't do anything he will regret. He would never forgive himself if he hurt someone else, especially if that person was you. You have to protect him, and this is how you are doing it."

Reluctantly, Akise curled his fingers around the glinting instrument.

Sucking in a deep breath, he mentally prepared himself. If this was the price for seeing Yukiteru, he would have to accept it.

"I understand."

**xXx**

Even now, tucked tightly in the thin white sheets of his hospital bed, looking sickly bony and pale, Yukiteru was so beautiful.

Akise always knew he was. He had always adored his beauty and intellect and innocence. But when he was asleep, even though three entire years had passed, he could clearly see Yukiteru's boyish features still remained. Looking at peace made him appear younger somehow, as if he had not aged despite all the time that had passed.

He clasped Yukiteru's hand gently. It felt so small, so delicate and fragile beneath his touch. But his body was not cold. He was warm. He was... alive.

Akise could feel that life as he caressed his love's cheek, memorizing his features. He tried to imagine how Yukiteru would look when he was completely healthy again, without the dark circles under his eyes or hollowed cheeks. Yes, his appearance would be simply radiant then...

Maybe, if he was lucky, Yukiteru would smile for him.

How long had it been since he had last seen Yukiteru smile? How much longer would he have to wait until he could see it again?

It didn't matter how long he had to wait.

He loved Yukiteru. He would spend an eternity content just gazing at him, just holding his hand as he was now, so long as he still held that warmth, so long as Yukiteru still had life…

He would wait for as long as it was necessary and be there for Yukiteru the moment he opened his eyes again.

He had waited a thousand days already. If it meant he could stay by Yukiteru's side, he would gladly wait a thousand more.

* * *

><p><em>I apologize for the late update. School has been keeping me busy as of late and it has been quite a while since I have written anything. Hopefully this was up to your standards.<em>

_Please leave a review if you enjoyed this chapter._

_That's all then. Have a lovely evening._

_xLMAx_


	3. Warmth Light Sound

**Author's Note: **Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews and patience. I had quite a bit of difficulty with this chapter, and have been tinkering with it on and off for months now. I apologize for taking so long to finally upload it. Regardless, I hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Mirai Nikki.

* * *

><p><em><strong>To the Stars and Back<strong>_

**Chapter 3 – Warmth. Sound. Light.**

**Created By: x-LittleMissAlice-x**

**xXx**

"_When you reach the end of what you should know, you will be at the beginning of what you should sense."_

_Kahlil Gibran_

**xXx**

_Warmth._

Yes, he could feel it clearly: a pleasant, light sensation tingling, just on the side of his left cheek. The biting coldness, enveloping him only moments ago, evaporated the moment that sensation connected with his skin. A sigh of contentment escaped his parted lips. His muscles and tendons limped, and his breathing fell to a slow, even pace. His head bent, tilting with a serenely soft, drooping motion towards the sweet heat...

_Sound._

It filled the empty silence of the darkness surrounding him, reverberating in a quiet echo; an echo that, somehow, made him feel almost... at peace.

"_Yukiteru-kun... Yukiteru-kun..."_

Yes, the voice was calling him, calling his name. The smooth, hushed tone filled his eardrums, ringing gently...

_Light._

With the flutter of his eyes, the empty abyss within his mind dissipated.

A brilliant light blinded him. He blinked once, then twice, and as his vision finally snapped into focus, he was met with a pair of lovely vermilion eyes...

He could never forget those unique, vivid irises.

He could never forget the kind, confident smile that greeted him.

He could never, ever forget how his skin prickled when those pale fingers tenderly brushed against his face.

"You are finally awake."

Yes, Yukiteru could never mistake that warm, gentle voice as anyone else...

"Are you… really here, Akise-kun?"

He could never mistake it, certainly, but that did not mean this Akise or even this entire moment was truly real.

This was part of reality... wasn't it? Or was this Akise nothing more than another wonderful dream; a dream that would abruptly end the moment he began to accept it as part of reality?

Would he slip through Yukiteru's fingers in yet again if he tried to accept this Akise as a being who wasn't a figment of his imagination? Would he wake up to an empty world with tears in his eyes like he had so many times before?

He didn't know. He just didn't know anymore.

"Yes, I'm here," Akise replied softly, still gently - so, so very gently - stroking his cheek, as if he were fragile enough to shatter at any moment. "I'm right here."

"But... How do I know that you are really here?" Yukiteru whispered.

"Can't you feel me?" he asked, unable to hide the hurt in his eyes, if only for the briefest of moments. His feather-light fingertips trailed down his face, his neck, shoulders and arms, until Akise laced his own fingers together with his.

He could feel Akise- his warmth, his breath, even his steady pulse throbbing just beneath his touch...

But it wasn't enough.

Every dream, situation or scenario he had ever experienced, even in his own mind, felt _real._

Touch, smell, taste, sight, sound- he could perceive all of his senses, whether they were part of "reality" or not. He needed more than Akise's touch or scent. Even seeing him before his very eyes was not enough to make him feel completely secure in his reality; if anything, it made him doubt all the more.

He had seen Akise die before his very eyes, after all. He had experienced trying to bring him back into his life several times before. Nothing felt more official than that.

Still, he was hoping...

He was hoping that this Akise in front of and everything he heard or felt from him was real, and not another fabrication concocted by the depths of his broken mind.

But still, he wasn't certain and, perhaps, could never be certain of the truth.

He already felt fragile and vulnerable enough. He couldn't risk it.

If this Akise really wasn't real... would break him.

"I'm sorry..." Yukiteru murmured, his hand already moving to pull away from him, to slip away from the one touch that provided him so much comfort...

But before he could Akise's other hand clasped them back together, so both of his hands held his.

"I have always been selfless with you," he began, his expression incredibly calm and collected as it always was, but Yukiteru could sense his desperation. He held his hand if only a bit more firmly, and leaned closer to his face, focusing solely on him as if he were the only person in the entire world.

"I will always put your best interests before mine," he continued, Akise's eyes still not leaving his. "I will always do everything in my power to protect you, for as long as I am able. I will never try to hurt you or allow you to fall into harm's way. So please, Yukiteru-kun... Even if you don't trust me now, please just give me a chance. That is all I ask."

Yukiteru could already feel it: the _thump thump thump _of his racing heart; the trembling of his palm the longer Akise held it, trying to steady him both physically and mentally.

Had Akise always looked so desperate? He couldn't recall a moment when he-

No. There was one other time. A time when Akise had...

When he had begged him to believe in his friends, not even a day before the world ended. When Akise had... kissed him, and with all the strength he had left, told him to become God and gave him the means to do just that.

Or... Maybe that didn't really happen.

Did it happen? Did Akise kiss him once? Did he ever become God?

If he asked, would he hear the truth? Or would this Akise, if he even truly existed, lie to him?

He didn't know. He didn't know who trust, or even what he could trust anymore.

"I can't... keep going on like this..." Yukiteru's voice cracked, but he forced himself to continue, "I can't start to feel secure, only for you to leave me again. I don't... I can't..."

He whimpered softly. His eyes squeezed tight, holding back the tears threatening to fall as he held one of the hands clasping his.

"_Please_. If you aren't real, please just tell me now. I don't want to believe in something that isn't real!"

"Yukiteru-kun," Akise said, leaning closer to him and staring at him dead in the eyes.

"I wont lie to you. I swear, I am in front of you. I am here."

His reassuring words calmed Yukiteru, if only slightly. It made him want to believe, more than anything, Akise spoke of the truth.

"Tell me, do you know where you are, Yukiteru-kun?" Akise asked, watching him carefully.

"Where I... am?" Yukiteru repeated.

For the first time since opening his eyes, Yukiteru pulled his gaze away from Akise. He glanced around the room, quickly taking in his surroundings.

Cool, glistening white tile floors. Stark white, plain walls. Itchy, thin white sheets...

Whitewhitewhite_white._

Not darkness. Not emptiness. Not eternity.

It was _white. _

A room that was finite. A room that had an exit, a way to escape. A room that had... Akise.

"You said I was in an... asylum?" Yukiteru finally replied, a fact that was evident enough from what was around him, could he not remember their past conversation. Even now he could only recall parts of it. The end of their conversation was a hazy blur.

Akise visibly sighed in relief, and his back straightened, perking up a little. "Yes, Yukiteru-kun. You are in an institution. Do you know how long you have been here?"

"You said it was about three years."

"Excellent, Yukiteru-kun. Excellent."

Yukiteru could hear the excitement leaking into his tone, a small smile (was it of relief? Hope?) stretching across his lips.

Warmth bubbled in the pit of Yukiteru's stomach at the sight of it, his cheeks flushing at his praise. Even now, how he felt when he was around Akise had not changed.

"Now, can you tell me who she is?" Akise asked, motioning to a woman he hadn't noticed watching them from the corner of the room.

The warmth in his stomach only moments ago immediately ran cold at the sight of her.

She looked physically older, more... mature than he remembered her, but there wasn't a doubt about it.

That amethyst hair... That impatient lavender eye... The eyepatch she wore on the left side...

She was the same person who had single-handedly held all of his peers captive and threatened to kill them all with a single press of a button.

Yes, she was the same person who had tried to corner and kill him on numerous occasions...

A white lab coat and a nurse's outfit could not hide who she really was, nor her true nature.

"_Ninth," _Yukiteru whispered venomously under his breath, his eyes narrowing slightly.

Akise notably tensed in front of him, blinking at the hostility in his tone.

His pale hands slipped away from his own, and Yukiteru immediately missed the warmth of his touch.

Why was Akise pulling away from him? Why was he moving towards _her?_

"I'm sorry, Dr. Nishijima, Yukiteru-kun's just-"

Yukiteru's hand quickly latched onto his arm before he could move off the edge of his bed and stand.

"Yukiteru-kun...?" he asked, confusion and concern clear in his eyes.

"Don't go near her. She isn't really a doctor."

"Yukiteru-kun... This is Dr. Nishijima. She is your head psychologist and therapist," Akise replied carefully.

"No, she isn't!" Yukiteru whispered fiercely. "Her real name is Minene Uryuu and she is secretly a terrorist. She is going to try to kill me... She is going to try to kill _both _of us. She probably... has a bomb in this room right now!"

His eyes darted around the room, his mind already reeling.

"We can't use your Detective's Diary; Ninth's Escape Diary wont tell us where the bomb is. Maybe we could-"

Yukiteru stopped when he felt Akise place his hands firmly on his shaking shoulders.

"Yukiteru-kun, please don't do this... Please trust me when I say this: future diaries do not exist. There isn't a bomb. You are not in danger. You are safe, Yukiteru-kun."

He wanted to believe him - truly, he did. He wanted to believe he was safe and secure with Akise, that there was nothing to feel paranoid about or fear.

But... it would be a lie, wouldn't it?

Wasn't Minene deceiving Akise, like she had done so many times before to others in that exact same disguise? Why would she be watching him as closely as she was now if she didn't plan on attacking him - on attacking _them_? That was what Minene did, after all: she tried to destroy everything Yukiteru cared about...

And then it dawned on him.

This had to be a set-up.

Of course, Akise was intelligent enough to come up with such an idea. It was impossible for Ninth to actually be his doctor. Absurd, even. This had to all be a front, and Akise was in on it but just couldn't tell him outright...

Why didn't he realize it before? Ninth would always try to escape them, but if they cornered her when she was least expecting it, maybe then they would have a chance to rid of her once and for all. Playing along as a mental institute patient would be able to do just that, right?

"I understand, Akise-kun. I finally understand," he said confidently, smiling to himself a little at his brilliance for catching on.

"Understand... what?" Akise asked, somewhat hesitantly.

"I understand what we have to do now. But first, you need to tell me where the bomb is. She could have explosives anywhere... In the walls, under the bed, or maybe even..."

"No, Yukiteru-kun, there isn't-!"

Was he covering for Ninth? Was he trying to tell Yukiteru right now wasn't the time?

Or maybe...

Ah yes, a hint.

There wasn't a bomb in the walls, bed, or floors so the only place left would be...

"They are on you, aren't they?"

Akise completely froze.

"What?" he asked incredulously, and Yukiteru was completely certain of it then.

Even if Akise didn't think so, Yukiteru could handle it. He could save Akise and diffuse the bomb!

"Show me! Show me where they are!" Yukiteru demanded. His eager hands shoved Akise onto his back and his body shifted, crawling on top of him so his legs rested on either side of Akise's waist, preventing his escape. Akise squirmed under him slightly but did not dare to push him away.

The bomb could be anywhere- under his shirt, jeans...

...Why was he wearing a scarf?

Of course! It had to be under there!

Akise's body stiffened as his fingers curled under the red material of the accessory around his neck, but he didn't move. His vermilion irises were gazing at him, silently pleading...

It was because the bomb was there.

He wanted him to know. He wanted him to disarm it and-

No...

No, Akise wanted him to stop...

But it was too late.

With a harsh tug the red scarf slid off, exposing Akise's pale, slender neck for Yukiteru to see.

There wasn't a bomb hidden beneath the fabric. Instead, his eyes immediately met a set of deep purple bruises.

"Akise-kun... What happened?" Yukiteru asked softly, cautiously reaching out to lightly touch them.

Akise winced softly as he traced them, one by one. The dark imprints were long and somewhat thick, as if...

_As if he had been strangled._

"Who did this to you?" Yukiteru demanded. "Did Ninth...?"

"No! Of course not!" Akise retorted quickly.

"Then who? Tell me who!"

Finally, Dr. Nishijima - Minene, Ninth, _the terrorist - _spoke.

"Don't you remember what happened, Amano?" she asked.

"Remember...? Remember what?"

His mind was already swimming with all of his available memories, and he couldn't recall such a mark. He had been slightly strangled by Yuno once, but even then it wasn't to such a degree...

When did this happen? Was it even really there?

"Amano, don't you remember the day Aru-"

"Stop, _Minene_."

Yukiteru flinched.

Akise's tone was deep. Dark. _Cold- _unlike anything he had ever heard before. The look in his eyes was so intense that, if looks could kill, "Dr. Nishijima" would have fallen over right then and there.

"He has to know sometime, Aru."

"But not now... Not yet."

"Akise-kun, what are you-"

_Beepbeepbeep!_

Yukiteru jumped. His hands scrambled, quickly grabbing the thin white sheets and jerking them over his body (as if that would save him...) at the noise.

He was right! _The bomb!_

He could feel his heart racing, his ragged breathing sucking in and out as many breaths as he could muster (the only hint that he was still alive), and after several moments he felt a comforting hand rest on top of his head through the outside of his "protection".

Then he heard Akise's voice, calm and smooth and gentle once again.

"Yukiteru-kun... As I said, there isn't a bomb."

Slowly, Yukiteru peaked his head from under the covers enough to see his surroundings and that, sure enough, the room and everyone in it was still intact.

Was Ninth just trying to fake him out by purposefully making him look like he was crazy, or was she really not trying to kill him? Was Akise telling the truth? Did future diaries not exist in this world?

Could he trust Akise?

There were secrets he was keeping from him, Yukiteru knew at least that. He had seen what was hidden underneath the red scarf that was wrapped around his neck once again. He just needed to figure out _why._

Why was Akise trying to keep those bruises a secret from him? Why wouldn't he tell Yukiteru what had happened?

...Was Akise keeping other secrets from him?

Yukiteru snapped out of his thoughts at the apparently not-a-terrorist/Ninth/his supposed psychologist and therapist's sheepish laugh.

"Sorry 'bout that. The beeping was from my pager. Looks like time's up... C'mon Aru, we have to go."

"I wont leave him," Akise declared, gazing into his eyes, his fingers still resting on his head, laced in his long jet black hair.

"Aru," she said, firmer this time. Reluctantly, his hand pulled away.

"I will be back as soon as I can," he heard Akise promise, and saw the small smile (why did it look forced?) on his lips.

The lights in his room flickered off, then the door slowly closed with a small _click._

Akise disappeared, leaving him in the darkness once again, taking all of the light, sound, and warmth within the room with him.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you for reading.<em>

_If you have any thoughts or feelings about this chapter please leave a review. Also let me know what you think may happen in future chapters or even why Yukiteru was institutionalized in the first place if you have any ideas. I evidently already know which direction I want to push this story but I always find your theories interesting. _

_That's all then. Have a lovely evening._

_xLMAx_


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